wierdness

Well I don't quite no what to say, I got back from D of E on Sunday evening.

It was an emotional roller coaster as expected, unfortunately more of a downward one that a positive. It all went quite wrong and was truly the hardest thing I have ever done.

There where also a few moments where my anxiety just took hold completely and I just felt utterly awful, all of these involved being off balance, high up, with gusting wind and generally terrified, unfortunately my anxiety didn't go back to a manageable level once I reached the ground, so I was not only pushing the physical limits of my body (weird bones and all) but also really on the edge of my psychological limits, and of course I couldn't actually tell anyone that, or explain and there was nothing they could do to help anyway.

If I'm really honest I very nearly quit many times, I didn't think I could get through it, I don't want to sound like a complete idiot here but I only really kept going because I was determined it wasn't gonna beet me and I didn't want the rest of the group, particularly my tent partner to fail because of me (unfortunately I think that nearly happened anyway, thank god it didn't)

So I was going to blog for ouch about the whole experience, right now I don't feel I can, even though I/we passed it feels like we failed, its all very complex but a lot went wrong.

the joys of food

well i have just discovered something that i quite possibly just forgot about. in my child years i was addicted to the stuff and now it has been rediscovered for my own tastiness.

yes people I'm talking about Nutella sorry to be slightly boring and blog about a chocolate spread but its seriously good. its full of hazelnuty goodness and chocolate addiction and contains a vast amount of milk.

yes today I'm loving nutella, i have already had Nutella on toast and I'm seriously considering hot banana and Nutella.....

you can even check out there website and look at the history of Nutella here

shopping

Well I got some interesting news last week, DofE is back, we have at last found an assessor, we are going in approximately 2 weeks. one problem my walking boots have holes in!

Today said walking boots where placed into the bin, and a small ceremony took place, they where my first walking boots, I wore them constantly when I first got them. It took me a long time to find them, my feet are so strange to find a pair of decent comfy walking boots was a challenge, but there they where.

But as time has passed they have grown old, been scuffed and scraped, coated in inch thick layers of mud, paddled in the sea, been on huge hikes and little walks down the bay. they where reliable sturdy and above all comfortable.

That was until recently due to there repetitive hard use, they developed holes on the inside, right by my little toe, this then resulted in me developing(HUGE) blisters when I wore them for short periods of time. Then due to there age as time went on they became less and less water tight despite various attempts to reproof them wet feet still prevailed.

I had tried once before to replace them but that particular shopping trip came to no great ends. I could not find any that worked for me and my feet, so today I left the house to go to find some new ones, which I needed desperately with slight apprehension.

I arrived at the store, had a look tried one pair one, they where too narrow, then tried the next and they fitted like a glove! It was a purely shocking experience I had warned the assistant that this was likely to be a long job, but it wasn't they where perfect.

so I now have a beautiful new pair of Hi-tec Meridian eVENT walking boots in brown, and can I just say I would really recommend them there great!

contact catastrophe

well i have had a contact catastrophe, i had my first contact appointment today, it was all ballsed up before i evan got in there, i was nearly an hour erly wich was incredibly boreing, then when i eventully got in i discoverd the docter that reffered me hadnt said why or what it was for or anything. basically they didnt no why i had randomly turned up and thought i was an exsisting patent.

Then it was bad news after all the assessments and everything i was told that contacts probably wont work for me, yes my eyes are to fuck'd.

I'm really dissapointed, everyone has told me how good they found contacts and how it makes your vision seem much better. everything i have heard has been positive, there was never evan the slightest bit of me that thought it mighnt not work out like the farytale suggested.

The decision has been made to order me in some contacts and let me try them and see how it goes, it ether works or it dosent.

I've been warned that it probably wont, my right cornea has a very steep gradient, that means its to curvy, as a result form the surgery and stuff I've had in the past. my left eye is the complete opposite, its cornea is almost flat. then there's the issue of my astigmatism, my eyes wobble without my control its deterated as ive got older so that means i will proably still need glasess for reading, or evan possibly full time to correct that.

then there's the issue of my pupils, there not normal my right one is really high up within my eye itself, and is really small that means that the contact lens probably wont do much in that eye, because the most powerful bit of the contact is in the center, and my pupil is offset.

then my left eye has the same problem but my pupil is bigger and shaped like a keyhole upside down, so bits of that will be in the optimum contact area and bits wont.

so that's why overall it dose not sound like this is going to work out but I'm giving it a try anyway