when to give up

Its a question I am asking myself, when do I give up trying to help members of the course team understand me?

I have been studying the universities student complaints procedure, I don't want to use it, but I am seriously running out of options.

It would be true to say that right now things have reached a crisis point, things should not have got to the stage where a lecturer and myself are shouting at each other across a lecture theater. I am sure many of you reading this are fully aware of the situation I was put in on Wednesday, I am not an aggressive person, but when I am shouted at because a so-called lecturer does not possess any understanding of my disability I have to defend myself.

The access issues I have faced since being at university have somewhat surprised me, I always knew that I would face challenges and access issues but I  hoped that lecturers would work with me not against me to smooth any issues.

I am having one final attempt at solving these issues informally. Next week I will be having a number of meetings with members of the course team, if things cannot be sorted out then it will be time to start the formal stage of the official complaints procedure.

I am going to end this blog entry with a somewhat desperate plea, I consider myself to be an independent person but I cannot continue the way things are at the moment, I would  ask others to speak out about the way I am forgotten if they witness what is going on.

I do this in understanding that many of you do not feel able to speak out on my behalf for fear of being patronising, I promise you I will not take that view point, if you feel able to act please do. I need as many people to hammer the message home, if lecturers will not listen to me or the disability support people then my only hope is to irritate them into compliance.

Climbing barriers repeatedly

This year at university has been great, but filled with issues and problems and barriers to my learning.

It is important to mention at this point that there have been some fabulous people, and some committed and brilliant lecturers who never fail to meet my access needs and think of me in every circumstance.

Then there are those people who don't help at all, who for  a time could not possibly produce a large print hand out for me... until of course they were reminded by me of a little something known as The DDA (Disability Discrimination Act). After that shocker people started getting me large print handouts, and copies of power point presentations as they happen so I actually know whats going on. (finally)

That was one major issue resolved for the most part, it took 8 weeks but hey-ho sorted now.

There have however been countless issues.... one after the other in a near constant stream. Every issue is another barrier for me to battle to clime over, wonky legs and all!

Climbing over these barriers and battling to insure that people understand, is quite frankly wearing me down. 

Most of the issues I am facing could be avoided, a little extra planning could go a long way or a little organisation!

The most recent thing that has happened is the start of semester 2, it starts on Monday and I am expecting another bumpy ride at least in the beginning. The time table has completely changed, I have new staff teaching me and new rooms to find. All of this is going to throw up issues,  I am expecting that there will be glitches and I am fine with that.

To try and smooth out issues before they happen I have asked that all my new lecturers see something called a 'faculty form'. Basically the faculty form states what ALL of my disabilities and conditions are, it states what I need in lessons and spells out the basics. 

I would much rather people know that I am disabled before I walk through the door it allows them time to plan there lesson and avoids embarrassment.

Well I emailed the people concerned as a little don't forget to look at my faculty form, I have now received a email, that I was copied into from the faculty office with a word document that I produced at the begging of the year that concerns my visual impairment, I was at the time trying to simplify things purely relating to my VI.

Everyone always forgets my other conditions they may be marginally less significant than my Visual Impairment at this moment in time but that will not always be the case, I would rather people where prepared.

There was no mention of my bone condition (the wonky legs and hyper-mobile joints), the one that makes standing still in the same place for periods of time difficult, makes me wobble and makes stairs tricky.

There was no mention of my mental health, I may be in recovery right now but I am still receiving treatment on my way to being fully well again without medication.

I have come to the conclusion they either don't understand what my faculty form is, or that its filed away somewhere and they can't find it.

I don't get it  the faculty form is the most basic and simple of things all I want is for all my lecturers to see it, surly it s not that difficult.

It may be wearing me down but I will just have to keep climbing over the barriers.

Can I also say a big thanks to all the people out there who have ever tried to remove an access barrier from any ones path, your actions make all the other barriers seem achievable and remind those of us who have to climb the barriers that there are people looking out for them.

Change will happen to ME

It seems strange to be writing about change as I have just changed the layout of this blog, it seems to be creating a little sub theme, but the change I am referring to here is a life change.

It's at this point I need to mention Beth and her blog 'Screw Bronze'; I have been following Beth's blog ever since the start of the Ouch project and she is a truly fantastic example of a human being, if you do nothing else today just pop over to her blog and have a read. Her latest post titled 'Badminton, illness and change' has really hit me and helped me with a change I am getting to grips with right now.

As I am sure readers will be aware I have a bone condition in addition to being VI its that (not so) little thing that everyone ALWAYS forgets about, but trust me I never forget about it!

My condition has always been one that is likely to flare up and deteriorate over time, I have always known this but today I have come to a bit of a milestone.

After walking down The (EFFING) Eiffel Tower and then yesterday (just as things where improving) managing to slip over in the mud I am having a very serious flare up.

My left hip and knee take it in turns to be very painful and I am really struggling to balance.

I have hit the point I always knew would happen, it is time to obtain a walking stick.

This is for me a bit of a big thing, I am possibly being a bit pathetic but now the time has come I am finding it rather difficult.

People will see me and Gus and then a stick I'm worried about what will go through peoples heads, questions they might ask and the reactions of my friends, acquaintances and complete strangers.

Reading Beth's blog has made me realise, its just an adjustment to a new normal for me and everyone else, I have no need to feel self conscious or concerned about peoples perceptions and prejudices.

I am ME; a stunningly beautiful, 20 year old, independent. visually impaired woman who sometimes needs to use a stick to get about and more importantly I will not be ashamed of what I am.

OK its a change for me to think about using a stick, but it will only be a change for so long, and then it will become the norm, nothing will be different.

Difficulties

It's not been the easiest of weeks back and first off I should explain why I have not yet posted about the models of disability as I promised a few weeks back via the joy that is Facebook!

I had 2 big deadlines on Monday of this week so the majority of my time has been spent on that, I have started the post on the models of disability, but as it is a complex topic with many areas of debate I wish to make sure what I do upload is balanced and honest yet informed so I shall not be rushing it!

So far this week has not been a particularly good one, on Saturday (as many people will already know) my toaster blew up, which is devastating, being the independent woman that I am I got my mum to buy me a new one and she is bringing it down on Thursday!

Then literally minutes later my computer mouse stopped working, its fine again now but it was very frustrating! (and rather random)

I also feel the need to portray that I am sitting here writing this at 1AM because there is a drip on my roof, dripping more than once a second and making a great deal of noise, I would really love to be asleep, but its constant and very irritating; aside from that there seems to be an incredibly large number of drunk people about which is not helping matters. I start work at 9AM this morning I don't think I will get much sleep.

I don't like writing to much about my course but I feel I have to, of late things have not been going to well, actually there have been a lot of glitches regarding my inclusion.

The university is very inclusive as an organisation, and does a very good job of promoting diversity and inclusion. It is now not only the place where I study but my employer, which I think says a lot about the place.

So far the inclusion on the course itself has not been great, I think unfortunately this is down to peoples attitudes, lack of consideration and the general disorganisation of the faculty I am in.

There have been countless problems, It took me pointing out to a lecturer that he was in breach of the DDA (disability discrimination act) meaning I was within my right to take legal action for him to produce a large print handout, I should not have to do that, it should not take 6 weeks of me repeatedly telling everyone and then me losing my temper to get is sorted out.

There have been numerous issues over course content, I have had to endure attempting to create a visual design scrapbook which is as inaccessible to a visually impaired person as its name suggests. 

I have sat in lessons for 2 hours doing nothing because I cannot use the video editing software that is used, it would have been a better use of time to sit at home doing work instead of sitting in a room with no alternative given and simply being told we would be working in groups so I would not need to edit.

I had a trip to court on Monday, which I was told about on Friday not giving me enough time to book note taking assistance, leaving me incredibly venerable, anxious and generally like a confidence sieve.

I, and my needs have been forgotten on countless occasions.

We are in the last week of semester 1 and have just come back from the christmas break but already I have had issues, and the member of staff I booked a meeting with was less than supportive, I seriously wanted to cry (and very nearly did).

I am not indestructible things do get to me, I do get warn down by the continuous flow of issues and right now If you cannot already tell by the tone of this latest blog entry I am not happy.

I am fed up of speaking out alone about these issues-others witness but do not act, I am fed up of the lack of understanding or even the lack of willingness to understand.

I have had enough!

Recently

I have been rather busy, on Friday I went to beaulieu (yes I had to look up the spelling of that) it was great fun, we went on the monorail and on the old bus. we also went into the house and the Abby. The whole place was strangely un-accessible tho it did make me wonder how they got away with it, there appeared to be rather limited wheelchair access. only a few of there steps where marked...which was hazardous, there where lots of overhanging bushes and my most embarrassing "they could have done better on the access front" moment was there doors, when you pay for your entrance in to beaulieu you walk through a set of clear glass doors, I did not realise they where there! Anyway moan over it was really fun we had ice cream looked round gardens, got stuff blown every were in the cafe, went on a slightly scary monorail and looked at nice cars. we also went on the wheel thing where you look at the history of cars was really cool.

Then on Friday evening I went back to my friends and we played swing ball and a bit of catch and then had a very lush Chinese, it was a really lovely day!

Then on Saturday I went to a family anniversary party all my dads side of the family where there and it was my half-cousin's 5th wedding anniversary and it was really fun, I spent a lot of time holding some very sweet baby's, and giving them back when it was toilet time, did do quite a lot of nose wiping tho!

To be honest I'm writing this trying to hang on to those good things, I've been pretty down and alone, even wen I'm with other people

I'm finding the holidays harder than I thought, I never for a million years thought I would say these words but I'm missing college. At college there are places to go, things to be done, people to talk to and most importantly it's a reason to get up in the morning, to make myself get up.

Anyway I'm doing better than I was on the last anti-depressants I think these ones might actually be helping....so we will see how it goes...only time will tell.

To end on a positive note, I'm going away on Tuesday!!! its only to slough which is most peoples idea of the most hellish holiday destination ever but I'm going to see my auntie and her partner and her dog so its good :D