I'm so annoyed!!!!!!

I am completely furious at myself!!

I cant believe my stupidity.

I have completely forgotten something that was really important to me something i was looking forward to, had even written down and i still forgot it!

such a complete idiot!!!!

I managed to completely forget about the existence of the liberty festival and now i cant afford to go.

I'M SO STUPID!!!!!

for those of you that don't no liberty is tomorrow in Trafalgar square in London, its the largest disability rights festival in the UK and is compleatly free to get in to, but i cant afford to get there! and i really wanted to go and now i cant.

If you hadent allredy gatherd im slightly angry!

I'm back

Well I'm back from camp, I went away with the 6Th Alverstoke guides, I'm one of there pre-warranted leaders.

Despite some serious toilet trauma, and no doubt some of the guides, and leaders will be scarred for life by the immense horror of the happenings, we had fun!

Owen was the camp star, he is the son of one of the leaders, and the grandson, and niece to most of the others! He is only 14 months old but already walking, saying a few words, loving water, and generally causing lots of really cute mayhem! He even had his own bike and chair at the table, he joined in with all the activities which included, swimming, pouring drinks, helping out the water patrol on several occasions and banging in wellie poles. Owen is one day going to be a fantastic scout leader! And id just like to quickly say a little get well soon Owen because he picked up a little bit of a cold awww!

It was a really fun camp full of laughter which is the best kind of camp to have, everyone had fun and the guides enjoyed themselves so did the leaders.

my emmece bravery!

wooooo its a hoot hoot at pauntons park (and no I have no idea how to spell that)

I have just been the bravest ever, I went to the park with my to amazingly super friends Kerry and Dan! (thanks for inviting me guys) and it was awesome!

I am normally a complete wuss and watch everyone else go on the rides and think , no way I'm doing that! but yesterday i was brave, i went on like everything! it was awesome! and i loved every minute! thanks guys

Results Day

Well today is results day, I got my results and went for a Chinese meal! and my parents are taking me out for dinner this evening as well so I will be very full.

My results are better than expected, I didn't fail anything, I can't believe it after all the CRAP I've had to deal with this year at college, lots of which wasn't my fault. I even passed history I got an E . Even more shockingly I also got a D in PE considering I got a U in the mocks that was really good.

The only one I'm a bit disappointed with was Biology which was my As I got an E but that was only because I failed one of the units, I got good grades in the other two but the failed unit dragged my grade down.

But its not the end of the world and I will retake it next year.

I also got a merit in acting which I'm really pleased with cause that was so hard so I'm pleased.

Overall I'm happy!

Results Day

well tomorrow is results day, I think it would be strange if I wasn't nervous but its nights like this when you just think what if?

What if I've failed everything?
What if I've done better than I think?
What if I've failed both my A levels and am just left with a A's?
What if I've failed biology and cant do it next year, what will I do?

Its a very stress full time for all the students in the land, I was in a really bad place mentally around exam time, I spent quite a lot of time putting on a brave face and laughing and joking about it all but I was actually struggling to even get out of bed in the morning, I was completely overwhelmed.

so I'm not expecting to do well.

Crazy week

I've been so busy its been a crazy week I have barley stopped.

I had a interesting visit to the GP which went a lot better than the last one (thank god) only bad thing is that my GP is leaving, so hes trying to 'sort me out' before he goes.

I've also been walking a retired guide dog called ulan(I have no idea how you spell his name) he is a lot bigger than Ian and is really sweet every time I go to pick him up he gets all excited and starts to cry, he is really sweet.

On Tuesday I recorded my part for the ouch! podcast, you can fine more about that here.

Also I went to see a local production of high school musical in which one of my friends stared, and she was amazing and it was really good to see her on stage doing what she loves and doing it brilliantly!

Today I have been making a move with my mates , its been written, edited, filmed and directed by my mate Dan and its going really well.

Then tomorrow I'm off to London which is going to be really fun I'm really looking forward to seeing a load of my mates and going to the namco station.

I also got a letter threw the post today and I don't have to wait ages for contact lens appointment, its right at the beginning of September which is good.

Fun stuff, hopefully next week Will be less busy!

I'm blogging for Ouch!

yyyyyyyaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!

I'm blogging for ouch! this is exciting stuff, for those of you that don't no ouch is the BBC's disability website and produces its own podcast it's good stuff check it out here .

I'm also going to be appearing on the next edition of the podcast, so look out for me.

You never no maybe my old tutor was right and I'm destined to be the worlds most greatest journalist!

The eye strain is over

I have finnally recoverd enough to post in here, I have had the worst eye strain I have ever experenced, its been awful and ive been very grouchy and sorry for myself.

It all started when I brought a book, "one unknown" by Gill hicks. Its a really intresting book dipicting her life before and after the London bomings and her recovery, really gripping. unfortunatly not avalible in large print. Fuck it! I thought to myself as I brought it I will read it evan if it takes me a decade to compleate. I started reading it on monday and after an unkown period of time I suddenly found myself against a brick wall of, seriously bad headache blurry vision aned my eye feeling like somene was trying to pull it out with a spoon. I think it was worse because it was only my 'good' left eye that was affected, I cant see enough to read with the right, unless its in hugely massive print! As I said erlyer the eye strain was the worsed I have ever had, I could no longer read, text my mates, watch TV and most tragically I couldnt evan use the PC , evan with my screen magnification set to a bigger zoom than normal. I was cut off from the world stuck and bored, I was fustrated because I wanted to keep reading the book but my disability was stopping me, why cant they just produce more books in large print? I thought to myself in a low bored out of my mind moment.

Then again I sarted pineing, pineing for a DAISY player, all I wanted to do was read a book. The problem being That DAISY players start at about £250 , way out of my price range. I could loan one, with a years membership to the RNIB's DAISY libery, but evan that is out of my price range. But I continue to dream about having my own digital audio informaton system at my fingertips, college and later university could get the softwhere and put entire textbooks on to DAISY format wich I can then use to acess the same information as everone else with the same ease and without lugging lever arch files of bits of textbook around with me everyday!


On tuesday my eye strain was still evedent, and as I have allredy posted about I had a lovly trip to my local eye check up.

Then wensday was the big day my finall Guide dog assesment, it was the day wich deiceded if one day I will be a guide dog owner or not, it was very intresting. It started in a very intresting way, I whent out of the wrong exit of the train station and got a call from the center asking where I was and that they where waiting for me, I said I was stood outside the train station, I was then informed that there are actully 2 different exits and I was at the wrong one, I was also told they would meet me on platform one, so over the bridge I went to platform one, wich was seriously crowded by people, and then luckerly they spotted me! what a fab impression I made , getting lost before I had evan started the day!

The assesment started by meeting the other 3 people who where being assessed, and then having a small introduction to it all, we then went out on a short harness walk with an instructer . It was very odd we learnt how to follow the movment of the harness and the basic commands, we learnt how to turn left and right how to start and stop walking, whilst all the while tellign the 'dog' "good boy", it was strange talking to a GDMI (guide dog mobility instructer) like a dog, it got wierder still however. The next thing we lernt on this walk was how to correct bad behaviour, this invoved sentements from the instrucer like "im sniffing".

Next was a talk on genral dog care, what trainign is like, how the dogs work, vets and questions from us. we also lernt about safty whilst out and about and where told we are expected to wear a florecent sam brown or vest, I was incredibly pleased to hear that we could sign a disclaimer stateing that we took full responcibility for not wearing the protective clotheing providided. Thank god just the thought of wearing a florecent sam brown to college is horrific, saying that maby I could turn it into a fashion statement or evan better still start of a new trend!

Then we had lunch and another talk from a real guide dog owner who told us more about what its actully like to have a guide dog as a mobility aid, then made a compleat fool of myself again by walking in to the side of a sun umbrella, the rubber tip of it went strieght into my ear wich was lovly.

After lunch it was the exciting bit, we actully got to walk with a real life guide dog in training in publick, I was really nervous about this and makeing a compleate fool of myself, my dog was called Masie and was a very small labridor retriver cross and was a very dainty little dog, it was amazing putting in to work all the stuff we had done in the morning and it felt compleatly liberating to be walking, being led by a dog who I trusted compleatly and led around all kinds of obsticales from people to bikes, and bustops, it was amazing.

Then we went back to the center and waited for the results of the days assessments, we would eatch be spokern to individually so it was a very tence amount of time that felt like hours, none of us knew what to say and there was so much tension in the room its undiscribable, then we where called in one by one.

Then it was my turn and I was so nervious trying desperatly to prepare myself for the worst, but knowing deep down inside that I thought I had done really well and I couldnt think of anything I had done really badly or messed up, I sat there listerning to the the instructers just wishing for them to blurt it out but I had to listern to process what they where explaing to me then the words, "its a yes your going to be put on the list" I smiled and must have shown a great release of tension.

Then things got a bit complicated it was explained to me that I am now going to have a very long wait for a dog and that they where unsure weather it was the right diecsion for me right now they evan said " its not to late to chang your mind" !!!!! as if I would change my mind now this was compleatly what I wanted, what I have allways wanted to turn it down now I couldnt evan contimplate. They where also concerned because of my age (18 for those of you that dont no) it was explained that I couldn't take the dog clubbing and get drunk and things like that, I was slightly shocked that they made the judgement I was a wild student whitout really noing me, I hate clubbing and never go, as for drinking, I do not drink, I'm not supposed to drink on my medication so I dont! I do understand why they had to say all this and there resons but I htink they could have done it in a better way.

I left the center and got a lift back to the station where I called my mum and told her the news, then sent everyone a text message. I still felt a mixture of joy in that I had passed as it where but also a huge sence that I had been judged and people had deicided what I was, who I was purly based on my age, I think the could have talked about there concerns in a more positive mannor.

But I'm done with being annoyed now, I just cant stop talking about it and telling the intire world that I am on the list, I want to shout it from the rooftops.

P.S apologies for the spelling, the spelchecker is eather down or just not working, that or I have spelt everything right, which is highly unlikely!

A very quick post

Unfortunately I don't really have time to give a full up date on the happenings here, I will soon but right now I'm far to tired, and as I said don't have the time.

I haven't been on the computer much recently because I have had really bad eye strain., which was my own stupid fault but never the less really frustrating.

My guide dog assessment went well and I'm on the list, I'm excited.

I'm far to tiered to properly blog about all this now so i will later!