The eye strain is over

I have finnally recoverd enough to post in here, I have had the worst eye strain I have ever experenced, its been awful and ive been very grouchy and sorry for myself.

It all started when I brought a book, "one unknown" by Gill hicks. Its a really intresting book dipicting her life before and after the London bomings and her recovery, really gripping. unfortunatly not avalible in large print. Fuck it! I thought to myself as I brought it I will read it evan if it takes me a decade to compleate. I started reading it on monday and after an unkown period of time I suddenly found myself against a brick wall of, seriously bad headache blurry vision aned my eye feeling like somene was trying to pull it out with a spoon. I think it was worse because it was only my 'good' left eye that was affected, I cant see enough to read with the right, unless its in hugely massive print! As I said erlyer the eye strain was the worsed I have ever had, I could no longer read, text my mates, watch TV and most tragically I couldnt evan use the PC , evan with my screen magnification set to a bigger zoom than normal. I was cut off from the world stuck and bored, I was fustrated because I wanted to keep reading the book but my disability was stopping me, why cant they just produce more books in large print? I thought to myself in a low bored out of my mind moment.

Then again I sarted pineing, pineing for a DAISY player, all I wanted to do was read a book. The problem being That DAISY players start at about £250 , way out of my price range. I could loan one, with a years membership to the RNIB's DAISY libery, but evan that is out of my price range. But I continue to dream about having my own digital audio informaton system at my fingertips, college and later university could get the softwhere and put entire textbooks on to DAISY format wich I can then use to acess the same information as everone else with the same ease and without lugging lever arch files of bits of textbook around with me everyday!


On tuesday my eye strain was still evedent, and as I have allredy posted about I had a lovly trip to my local eye check up.

Then wensday was the big day my finall Guide dog assesment, it was the day wich deiceded if one day I will be a guide dog owner or not, it was very intresting. It started in a very intresting way, I whent out of the wrong exit of the train station and got a call from the center asking where I was and that they where waiting for me, I said I was stood outside the train station, I was then informed that there are actully 2 different exits and I was at the wrong one, I was also told they would meet me on platform one, so over the bridge I went to platform one, wich was seriously crowded by people, and then luckerly they spotted me! what a fab impression I made , getting lost before I had evan started the day!

The assesment started by meeting the other 3 people who where being assessed, and then having a small introduction to it all, we then went out on a short harness walk with an instructer . It was very odd we learnt how to follow the movment of the harness and the basic commands, we learnt how to turn left and right how to start and stop walking, whilst all the while tellign the 'dog' "good boy", it was strange talking to a GDMI (guide dog mobility instructer) like a dog, it got wierder still however. The next thing we lernt on this walk was how to correct bad behaviour, this invoved sentements from the instrucer like "im sniffing".

Next was a talk on genral dog care, what trainign is like, how the dogs work, vets and questions from us. we also lernt about safty whilst out and about and where told we are expected to wear a florecent sam brown or vest, I was incredibly pleased to hear that we could sign a disclaimer stateing that we took full responcibility for not wearing the protective clotheing providided. Thank god just the thought of wearing a florecent sam brown to college is horrific, saying that maby I could turn it into a fashion statement or evan better still start of a new trend!

Then we had lunch and another talk from a real guide dog owner who told us more about what its actully like to have a guide dog as a mobility aid, then made a compleat fool of myself again by walking in to the side of a sun umbrella, the rubber tip of it went strieght into my ear wich was lovly.

After lunch it was the exciting bit, we actully got to walk with a real life guide dog in training in publick, I was really nervous about this and makeing a compleate fool of myself, my dog was called Masie and was a very small labridor retriver cross and was a very dainty little dog, it was amazing putting in to work all the stuff we had done in the morning and it felt compleatly liberating to be walking, being led by a dog who I trusted compleatly and led around all kinds of obsticales from people to bikes, and bustops, it was amazing.

Then we went back to the center and waited for the results of the days assessments, we would eatch be spokern to individually so it was a very tence amount of time that felt like hours, none of us knew what to say and there was so much tension in the room its undiscribable, then we where called in one by one.

Then it was my turn and I was so nervious trying desperatly to prepare myself for the worst, but knowing deep down inside that I thought I had done really well and I couldnt think of anything I had done really badly or messed up, I sat there listerning to the the instructers just wishing for them to blurt it out but I had to listern to process what they where explaing to me then the words, "its a yes your going to be put on the list" I smiled and must have shown a great release of tension.

Then things got a bit complicated it was explained to me that I am now going to have a very long wait for a dog and that they where unsure weather it was the right diecsion for me right now they evan said " its not to late to chang your mind" !!!!! as if I would change my mind now this was compleatly what I wanted, what I have allways wanted to turn it down now I couldnt evan contimplate. They where also concerned because of my age (18 for those of you that dont no) it was explained that I couldn't take the dog clubbing and get drunk and things like that, I was slightly shocked that they made the judgement I was a wild student whitout really noing me, I hate clubbing and never go, as for drinking, I do not drink, I'm not supposed to drink on my medication so I dont! I do understand why they had to say all this and there resons but I htink they could have done it in a better way.

I left the center and got a lift back to the station where I called my mum and told her the news, then sent everyone a text message. I still felt a mixture of joy in that I had passed as it where but also a huge sence that I had been judged and people had deicided what I was, who I was purly based on my age, I think the could have talked about there concerns in a more positive mannor.

But I'm done with being annoyed now, I just cant stop talking about it and telling the intire world that I am on the list, I want to shout it from the rooftops.

P.S apologies for the spelling, the spelchecker is eather down or just not working, that or I have spelt everything right, which is highly unlikely!