The effect of it all

What's been the effect of all this new eye stuff on my vision, my life and the way I live?

Bloody hell I was clumsy before but now seriously I am worse than ever,  everywhere I go it seems I cause a trail of destruction!

Any co-ordination I once had has now gone completely, and lets face it hand eye co-ordination has NEVER been my strong point.

Balance to has got worse I wobble a lot more than ever before, I'm falling a lot more than I have in a long time to and I'm rather tired with it all.

Possibly the worst bit is the eye strain, persistent headaches and being tired and grumpy all the time.

So in short I spill everything, walk into stuff, break things and am generally a walking disaster!

Oh well at least its amusing for you all to watch all my mishaps!

No pretending

I have spoken to my consultant again, turns out the treatment he was telling me about is not a long term option.

The injections only destroy the blood vessels for about 4 weeks, then the blood vessels grow back.

So it's not a long term treatment.

So the long term is;

I am almost defiantly with medical science in its present state going to go blind in my right eye, very little can be done about it.

It's time to stop pretending everything is going to be OK, I'm going blind in one eye, nothing anyone can say or do will make that any better its going to happen, sooner or later.

Of course the great thing about going blind due to haemorrhaging is that there is no telling when, I could have a huge haemorrhage tomorrow, or a tiny little one or I might not have another one for 20 years, by which point there may be some form of cure.

So I have in the last month gone from having an eye condition that is not curable, but not deteriorating any time soon, to having a problem with my right eye that's going to result in having no vision in that eye.

Life will go on, I will get used to the idea.

I am going to fight!

Ok so I am waiting for a consultant to call me and tell me whether the professor thinks it is clinically worth while to treat my eye.

Of course its clinically worth while! I can still See colour and do finger counting, I still have something so lets try and keep it that way. 

Without treatment my right eye will defiantly get worse and eventually I will have nothing left- nada -no vision. Who knows how fast that will happen but its almost guaranteed I will lose all the vision in my right eye.

I am 20 I already have a few problems with my left eye, surly my right eye should be worth saving?

If they decide its not worth saving the vision in my right eye I am going to fight the decision, I possibly have a lot of fighting coming up as even if they decide its clinically worth while they have to apply to the PCT for funding to treat me because of my unique condition.

So I am waiting to hear and getting ready for a fight, it saddens me how much I have to fight sometimes but it simply has to be done.

The consultant calls...

On Tuesday evening I got a call from a consultant at the eye unit, very nice consultant Mr T phoned and apologised for all the mix ups and revealed that they are still unable to find 10 years worth of my notes, the early ones about eye sugary I had at 11 weeks old onwards.

He said he wanted me to go in today (Wednesday) for some tests and to see a different consultant that specialises in the back of the eye Mr S.

So today I dropped everything and headed off to the eye unit/day centre for 1 o'clock.

The bus I normally take is called the U6H and is part of the Uni Link service, this goes round half of the world and then goes to the eye unit taking at least an hour. I took a different route to the bus stop than I normally would to try and save time, on the way I realised I was going to pass the First Buses office so popped in there to ask if there was a quicker bus. Less than 5 Minutes later I was on the number 4 heading to the hospital even better it took less than 20 minutes!

(Oh dear! I have just realised what a sad anorak I sound like sitting here blogging about bus timetables!)

So anyway arrived a bit early and was told to basically go away by the receptionist and come back at my appointment time,  so I went for a walk.

Then I did my distance vision test, and only managed finger counting with my right eye. This is where the nurse or whoever stands about a meter away from you and holds up fingers to see if you can count them. 

That's a deterioration because I can normally see the top letter of the eye chart from about 2-3 feet away, so great I have probably lost a bit tiny bit of vision, or quite possibly I am just having a bad day and if I where to do the test again tomorrow would do better who knows!

Then I got sent through to a new waiting room with comfy chairs and a water cooler absolute luxury compared to the other waiting room! I then got a call from a nurse who was tasked with explaining everything to me.

My pupils don't really get bigger or smaller with changes in lighting condition's so the nurse was unsure whether there was any point putting drops in my eyes to dilate my pupils so had to go off and ask a few people. 5 minutes later she re-appeared with a tissue for me so immediately knew it was eye drop time. I am indeed special and required 2 different types of eye drops to try and make the muscles in my iris dilate.

Then I had a few tests, a scan of the back of my eye which was like watching a funky laser light show and quite fun.

Then I had the big event as it where a Fundus Fluorescein Angeiography Basically in super easy to understand Jemma speak they inject you with dye and then take loads of pictures of the back of your eye.

The dye is essential so that the doctor who gets the pictures can see the blood vessels and stuff at the back of the eye, its the whole point of the test. I was told about the risks and  that it would turn my wee florescent yellow, like the colour of Gus'  harness and that my skin would probably turn yellow too. when the dye hits the blood vessels of the stomach it would probably make me feel sick and quite often people are sick, sometimes people also become breathless and faint, and rarely people have a minor skin reaction such as a rash. Then I got the talk about the possibility of going into anaphylactic shock and death and the need for resuscitation.

At this point I defiantly started to get nervous, I love the way that after telling me that there was a slim chance of having a sever reaction and death the nurse took my blood pressure and heart rate! I'm sure you can guess what that was like.

Then I got injected with the dye, I was very impressed that the nurse managed to find a vein on her first attempt and in the dye went.

You will be pleased to hear that I didn't die instantly or puke all over them, but I did fell very sick and the room did spin for a few seconds and then all was fine. Oh and the nurse was right my wee is still very very highlighter yellow! 

So then I went and sat in the big waiting room with no comfy chairs or water fountains, even worse I was sat with a window behind me that had to be kept locked, it was rather hot! Luckily I was not sat there long and consultant called me in I'm going to abbreviated what he said and simplify it a bit.

Basically because I am short sighted and my eyeball is the wrong shape it has developed weak areas,  in these weak areas blood vessels have formed that should not be there. These blood vessels have popped a bit, it might have been a few of them or just one, so there is a collection of blood in the jelly bit of my eye. The blood will take about 6 months to be reabsorbed into my body and go away, but the blood vessels will not go away.

This is the bad news bit, there is every chance that I will have another submacular haemorrhage it could be bigger and completely destroy the vision in my right eye leaving me with nothing in that eye (my left eye is completely fine),  Or I could never have another bleed again.

Nothing can be done about the collection of blood already in my eye nature just needs to let it slowly filter away, which means I will have up to 6 months of living with this bloody floater popping in and out of my vision, trust me its annoying.

As for the blood vessels causing the problem, there is a treatment but it is not currently available on the NHS for my condition, so we would have to apply for funding.

It's very rare for it to happen to someone my age, because it is my most rubbish eye that has been effected the consultant I saw was a unsure as to in his opinion it is worth treating, I informed him that I don't want to lose the vision in my eye without a good fight first, so he is taking to the professor and will ring me next week.

I need to add quickly that this does not normally happen to people who are short sighted at my age, it sometimes happens to people with other eye diseases when the are over the age of 75 so nobody panic.

So in short I got a lot more info today about whats going on and although it is bad news I intend to fight if the professor thinks the treatment will improve the condition of the back of my eye, it will not get rid of the blood that's already leaked or make my sight any better but it could stop me having a giant hemorrhage and losing it all.

Eye Casualty

After a night of worrying and not hearing anything I got a phone call from my mum who was equally worried, she (with my permission) rang The Eye Unit to find out what was going on.

She was told basically that I needed to get to Eye Casualty as soon as possible.

So I got a few bits together got ready and headed out.

I got as far as the PELICAN crossing outside my halls and had to turn back, someone had smashed a tonne of glass all over the pavement and the crossing, I can't see glass so only knew when I was already stood on it.

Gus cut his paw, he refused to move so I did what I am trained to do in situations such as this, I picked him up, I got a few paces and he decided he was not having any of it so bit me, I dropped him, it was a true comedy moment, he did then decide to move however! I dashed back to halls and the residence manager bandaged up my dog and cleaned the wound, it was very small.

Then there was the frantic OMG I don't know what to do panicked phone call to my mum, who told me to go straight to Eye Casualty because they where very concerned and sort Gus out later on.

So I got a TAXI to Eye Casualty saw the receptionist, who again could not find my notes.

I sat for an hour or 2, had a distance vision test and waited a bit more.

My notes where somehow found and I saw a doctor.

The doctor apologised for me being told to go in to Casualty, and told me that the doctor I saw yesterday had written a letter to a consultant to get him to look at my notes, the consultant would then decide when I needed to be seen and what tests I need and I will get a letter in the post.

In the meantime my macular has been bleeding, and they have no idea why. There is nothing they can do at eye casualty because they only deal with problems at the front of the eye there. 

However if it gets any worse before I get a letter I need to ring them up straight away and head down, they can't do anything about it in eye casualty but they need to know.

So I have to wait for a letter to get loads of tests done, who knows what it is so its still just a worry at this stage.

So I left eye casualty having completely wasted my time and TAXI fare and a whole day I could have spent working on the 3 assignments I have due in eminently and headed for coffee.

Got coffee and rang vet, got  an appointment.

Got the bus into town then got more cash out (TAXI's are VERY expensive) and another coffee and headed to the vets.

Saw the vet who commended the managers first aid skills, he had a good look and discovered that there was in fact some glass in Gus' foot. 

Gus was an angel and laid there rolling letting the vet have a poke around and try and get it out, he kicked the vet a few times, who was incredibly patient with Gus. 

The Glass would not come out so the vet and I decided it would be kinder to sedate Gus to get it out.

2 and a half hours later Gus was still very not with it and now had a lovely Green bandage and we where heading for another TAXI home.

At the time of writing he is a lot more with it, but is not a happy bunny, he is currently sitting on his bed giving me evils asking me to make the bandage on his foot go away.

It took him forever to come round from the sedation, I got back to halls and dropped a piece of pepperoni on his face and he did not even notice.

Today's visit to The Eye Unit

Well today I had my 4 monthly trip to The Eye Unit in Southampton, its a bit of a sausage factory and has all the issues any eye unit has, its like walking into a day centre or old peoples home, I'm still at the age of 20 the youngest person there by about 30 years but hey-ho its all part of the fun. I planned to get the bus after producing the days news bulletin for our student radio station, unfortunately the studio broke and what with one thing and another I was running late so splashed out on a TAXI. In my complete paranoia of being late, what happens I was an entire hour early! Anyway I signed in, did the distance vision test, which was a bit of an eye opener. They have got new electronic eye charts that are remote controlled, its no longer possible to cheat the eye test how upsetting is that! So anyway eye test done I went to wait to see the doctor an hour and a half winds by, I'm listening to my ipod, a million and one conversations that are going on around me and the sound of Gus moaning with boredom under my seat. Then my ears prick up its now 12:30 ish and I here a man behind me say that his appointment was supposed to be at 9:45 and that he has not been seen yet.

I then have that feeling of dread that tells me I am probably in for the long hall and that I should make myself comfy, maybe even get my laptop (her name is Lilly) out and do some work.

Then a nurse makes an announcement, the doctor I am supposed to be seeing is not in today and his replacement is a medical student, this is what is holding everything up. Then the good news, the other doctors have all finished there clinics now so are helping to clear the backlog.

Great I might actually be out of the eye unit by my next birthday! (October 31st if any one's that interested.)

15 or so minutes later my name is called, it should all be quick and painless from here.

So I'm talking to the doctor she is a little horrified by the presence of my guide dog, she has a VERY quick look at my eyes then measures my Glaucoma score, doesn't check them again, I could tell it was a bit of a quick get her out clear the backlog type examination. I am a bit of a specialist at being examined by eye doctors and medical students and have been round the opthamology block more than a few times. She tells me everything is fine my pressures are great and that there are no causes for concern.

I have a cause for concern, I have a small amount of debris in my right eye, its just remnants of scar tissue and stuff like that, every now and then a bit pops up, floats around a bit and I get a shadow in my vision, sometimes they are even pretty colours. I wasn't really to concerned, but on Friday I got a new little floater.

I still have it now sat here writing this so thought as it has hung around for quite a long time I would run it past the doctor.

Doctor has a slightly better look at my eye and looks very concerned, then announces that the back of my eye has been bleeding, it might still be bleeding, I need to see the consultant and what have I done with my notes. 

It was literally those statements in roughly that order, at this point I got scared, and said that I had not at any point had my notes so didn't know where they where either.

So anyway doctor goes off to ring consultant, she pops back to tell me that she can't get hold of him so is going up to his office because he is probably by now on lunch.

So I'm sitting there and I realise I am completely pinned to my chair by the table that swings round with all the technical stuff on it. I try and push it away a little bit but its locked in place, literally on my lap, the building could burn down and I would be stuck there forever. I'm not a claustrophobic person on the whole but in that minute I was starting to panic.

Luckily a nurse swung by and I was like 'Let me out I'm being claustrophobic' one nice nurse and a glass of water later and all was fine.

Doctor reappears and says she can't find the consultant or my notes. She doesn't know why my eye is bleeding, or if it is still bleeding, or what to do about it, BUT it could be really dangerous and permanently damage my vision and I might need surgery to sort it out. (great, in my head I am shitting my pants)

She takes my mobile number encase they need me urgently, if no one rings me I will get a letter through the post, if I don't get a letter I need to ring up and check I have not been lost in the system.

It all makes me have great faith in our NHS system, don't get me wrong I love the NHS its a great invention and we are very fortunate to have free health care in this country, but wow losing my notes, missing that there is a potentially serious problem with my eye, then not being able to find a consultant to sort it out makes me worry a bit.

So anyway I am left to worry about what the future holds for my right eye and Wait for the phone to ring or a letter thorough the post... or to be lost in the system.

I have decided I am giving them a week if I don't here anything I will chase them up, but of course I am now on red alert as it where, if anything worries me before I hear from them I will be heading to Eye Casualty straight away.

It's all rather worrying really.

Crazy again

This post is therapy I will say that from the off set it is for my own benefit to get things out there so they are not just in my head.

After 8 ish months of being on antidepressants but psychologically well, I'm depressed and ill again.

If I am honest it snuck up on me covering my world with a big black blanket, removing the colour from my thoughts, I saw it coming so tried to take action, but nothing is immediate and now the situation is deteriorating. Whatever action I take has a waiting list, I have to carry on in the dark and Wait for my turn to get help.

I'm back in a place I thought I had left behind, with behaviours I thought I have left behind.

I am now already struggling with the day to day of university life, my insomnia has got so bad, that when I eventually fall asleep (usually sometime between 4 and 5 am) I literally cannot wake up in time for my 9am lectures. My body says that it is tired and I turn every alarm clock off in my sleep, sometimes walking across my room to accomplish the task.

Assignments seem impossible.

The evaluation assignment we have just been set is terrifying, at a time like this when I am not well I can't see the things that I am good at, I see every mistake I have ever made, I think I am crap at everything although that is possibly not the case.

In a way its good that I have at least recognised that I am unwell again, that's part of the battle isn't it admitting that you have a problem.

How did I get here? Is another part of the battle, I think I have been warn down by stress and recent events reminding me of past negative experiences.

So that it then I'm back to crazy depressed anxious Jemma, waiting for help.

That Blind Girl...

One of my mates from uni has been putting together some posters of her friends and I am honoured to have been included. Mine is fabulous! I'm sensing a new catchphrase, to run along side 'Brave special different'!



Image Description: The background of the image has a gradient focused around the top right corner of the image, the top right corner is deep purple, with a gradient going to bright green on the left. Top left are the words 'Jemma Brown" in capitals in a bold black font that stands out from the page. On the bottom left corner in slightly smaller white lettering it reads '...And that blind girl will take over the world'.  The majority of the rest of the picture is taken up by a photograph of my head, the colour has been removed and it forms a black outline, the gradient can still be viewed through it.

...And that blind girl will take over the world!

I have made a massive achievement, a huge leap in the steps of visually impaired people everywhere... I have beaten a fully sighted person at darts! I will add right now that the person I was playing was in no way drunk and I did not impede them in any way.

So yes you read correctly 'that blind girl' (as I  am often affectionately known)  played darts for the first time in her life and BEAT TOM!

Furthermore on this dangerous (for everyone in a pub sized perimeter) journey of immense discovery no one was harmed, I did not hit anyone with a dart, including myself and we all lived to tell the tale. In truth the fact that everyone in the surrounding area survived is possibly more impressive than the fact that I beat Tom at darts.

This is obviously a huge step forward for all the visually impaired people out there who ever considered playing darts, I had never played darts before in my life so here are my top tips on how to insure success.

1) Safety first- check you are facing the dart board, a little shout that you are about to throw the dart before you actually do will remind people that there is a game in progress and that if they do walk in front of you they will get a face full of dart.

2) Ask someone to hold your guide dog as far away from you as possible, Gus (my guide dog) was a bit fascinated by the throwing of objects, and was keen to intercept

3) If you can't see the dart board- Ask someone to stand in front of the board and shout, clap or stomp... insure they have moved before you throw the dart.

4) If you can see the dart board- Don't bother trying to aim, this was a fantastic failure in my attempts. I could not see the dart board with my right eye, but I could with my left so I attempted to throw the darts left handed, this was also a mistake as it was even less accurate and I think I pulled something!

5) The actual act of throwing  As long as you throw the dart pointy end first anything goes!

6) Scoring- Get someone with eyes that work to do the scoring, dart boards are tactile and colour coded but quite frankly have a rather confusing layout. 

So anyway darts lesson over I now know that I can do anything if I try hard enough, lets all have a hug and go and dance in the sunlight!

Changes

Well regular visitors of my blog that can actually see my blog (sorry blindys) will have noticed that today there have been a few changes, changes to the theme, and layout.

I felt it was time to change and wanted both my blogs (don't forget Guiding Gus) to look similar, I was also becoming aware that my blog was not very VI friendly.

With any luck the change of colour scheme and layout will be like a breath of fresh air.

For all those reading this via facebook it doesn't change a thing.

Oh and while I am talking about facebook, apologies to all my FB readers blogger and facebook appear to have gone a little crazy and somewhere in hyperspace it massively messes up the format of my posts, there is nothing I can do so live with it!

Paris- Day 2

Day 2 was CRAZY we did so much in a seriously short space of time!

First off we got up thanks to my mobile phone at 7:15 am, and headed down for breakfast.

Breakfast was interesting, it consisted of croissants French sticks, boiled eggs ham and unidentified cheese that I was too scared to try. I had ham and croissants, the ham was gross, but the croissants where good so all was well.

About 9 ish we headed off to Notre Damme on the coach, the weather was not good but even still the cathedral looked beautiful, but dark VERY dark. I took loads of pictures of the place and the stained glass windows that are beautiful, and its all completely symmetrical, there is so much to say about it, we went on a tour and where told about all the carvings and paintings and the main features of the building it was really really great!

Then we went on a boat trip.... I don't really remember much of it because I fell asleep and couldn't actually work out which way to look and when I did couldn't see it anyway! Nothing personal Paris I just don't like boat trips!

Then we went to a museum of cinema... which was good but dark and a bit boring, and I didn't like that they had a Video playing showing various animals being dropped from a great height to see how they landed and IF they got back up!

We then went outside and checked out the very random GIANT Mexican man outside the museum.

We then went to the nearest metro station and went shopping, we where let lose and went in search of much needed food. We found the most gross looking kebab shop the world has ever seen and are very lucky not to have food poisoning.

Then we headed back on the metro to go to The Eiffel tower. We arrived slightly late because of the train and headed over to security.

For the first time EVER I managed to get through the security metal detector thing without setting it off, I'm so proud of myself.

We then went up The Eiffel tower, I am scared of heights but have been up the Berlin TV tower and the London eye and been fine with it so I thought I would be OK.

However when we got on the first level high up I decided I was not fine with it! I stood holding on to the metal thing and did not go anywhere near the edge!

I was terrified but still wanted to go to the top so I could say I had done it, so I headed up in the lift with everyone else, all the way to the top, I quickly decided to wait inside slightly lower down and hang on to a handrail and wait for everyone to come down. we then meandered for a bit and went down the first lift.

We then went and joined the cue for the second lift that takes you from there  all the way to ground level.

It broke.

I had to walk down The (EFFING) Eiffel tower, in the dark, with my lack of balance, non existent night vision and vertigo. All rounded off by a strong wind. 

I was terrified and inside my head completely unsure whether I would actually make it down, my bone condition makes going down stairs physically very difficult and often painful so I tend to avoid where possible. There where also thoughts of falling down ALL the stairs to my painful twisted death.

I was shaking all over which did not help my balance every now and then we hit a dark patch where there was absolutely no light meaning I could not see the steps at all, we would then turn a corner and the lights would all be shining in my face, it was incredibly difficult.

At this point I need to commend Tom C for being a complete hero/star/generally fab and staying with me, being incredibly patient and keeping me calm. I seriously could not have done it on my own, and Tom was really calm!

Tom You are Great!

At the half way ish stage we bumped into Paul who found me a seat to sit on, I think by this point I was rather white and I know from my perspective that I was shaking all over very violently and that the world was spinning.

The second half of the journey down was bad, there where occasional spiral stairs and the lighting situation got even worse, my world continued to spin and I ended up clinging on to both the handrail and Paul.

Then what seemed like hours later I made it down, and sat down on a concrete cube for a few moments to recover.... and got several hugs. 

The rest of the group headed up to the restaurant I think I may have been a little short with someone who asked me if I was OK, I wasn't and thought it was a stupid question, I'm sorry to this person! I also remember that someone called my Jemma Brown MBE but I can't remember who or why? Its all a bit a blur and if anyone can fill me in feel free!

Then Tom me and a few of the Lecturers who I think where a bit worried I was going to pass out headed to the restaurant. 

I was still shaking and my left leg was strangely numb, or shaking, or painful I am not really sure which and I very nearly fell over as a result.

Again in leaps Super Tom who let me hang on to dear life to his shoulder while I staggered to the restaurant.

I was still feeling rather nauseous and spinning by the time I got there sat down and ordered spag bol.

We then headed back to the hotel on the metro, again Super Tom's shoulder came in very handy as I could not really walk very well, oh and going on the metro meant going up and down more stairs, which gave me more vertigo.

I was a wobbly wreck by the time I got back to the hotel so simply headed off to bed.

Cricket video

my dad has just revealed that he took a video of me practising batting at blind cricket so here it is. He did not know how the zoom worked so i shall inform you that I am the pink thing.

I heart blind cricket!

I’m happy, I just came back from blind cricket and it was really good.

As you may already know I am a very sporty person despite being very unfit and all my bone issues.

Anyway cricket today was really good, I did really well, I really struggle with bowling, and I’m not really strong enough to throw the ball the entire length of the crease. So this time rather than trying and solely focusing on trying to get the ball to the target, the coach told me to come about 4 feet further forward, so I did.

The result was amazing! I got 2 bowlers out and was 100% more accurate. Now I am forgetting about my pride and shall just move forward!

My batting was also really consistent which was good, we did not score many runs in my partnership but we both where hitting well.

So I think I have found my sports calling, there is still a very special place in my heard for woman’s football but its not something I can compete in.

I love cricket, I do however currently have a slight problem I have not got my own bat, so this means I use my clubs bats, there bats are perfectly adequate and fine but it does mean I get a different bat each time I play, I might use say 4 in a session.

This is a bit of a problem as it means I am using bats that are different weights, are different sizes and have different grips and handle lengths.

That means it makes batting really difficult as all cricket players will know all of the things I have mentioned will affect my batting posture and swing.

So I am now saving up to buy a bat, I need one that is standard size with a long handle I have decided so I will be shopping around for either a really cheap one or a second hand one or one in a sale. Probably can’t afford to buy a new one although that would be nice.

Scrapbooking *THIS POST CONTAINS LANGUAGE THAT SOME PEOPLE MY FIND OFFENSIVE*

In the last few weeks I have discovered that there is indeed a new type of craft activity that I dislike, it is the art of the scrapbook.

I will say right now from the start that I have always been rubbish at anything vaguely artistic or crafty.

I’m a Guide leader that hates craft activities, which may well be a rarity.

My lack of talent in the craft department is not something that I’m really bothered about. Lets face it everyone is crap at something; some people are crap at lots of things. I’m crap at any activity requiring pens, pencils, wool, glue, glitter, fuzzy felt, paint or any other craft material.

As a child at school it used to bother me that my painting was not as good as anyone else’s, or that my roman chariot looked like a penguin- now I’m fine with my crapness I accept and love it as an individual feature of me.

My lack of crafty artisticness does occasionally cause me frustration. I can’t sow for example which is a relatively common skill that the vast majority of the population possesses. It is also a skill I find people assume I can do, I’m not entirely sure whether that is some deep routed stereotype that every woman in the land can sow, o the fat that I am a guide leader. Either way people are often shocked when it arises that I cannot sow. Even my totally blind mother can hand sow and does the majority of my sowing, so its not even that I can say its because of my disability I’m just crap at it!

So anyway I went off on a bit of a tangent there I am currently involved in a project that requires me to make a scrapbook.

Scrapbooking I have recently discovered is both an activity I do not particularly enjoy, one that I find very difficult and that realistically I am crap at. (After all making a scrapbook requires craft skills)

I can also conclude that scrapbooking is also a dangerous activity; I have indeed sustained a scrapbook injury.

Whilst cooking on Monday evening I burnt my thumb, it was quite a nasty one there was the sizzle and the smell of burning flesh, still there was no blood and after some time under the cold tap all was well until….

Later on in the evening whilst adding to my scrapbook I got UHU on my burn.

For those that don’t know UHU is a solvent-based glue that can stick anything. 

I used UHU because its good at sticking things together as its very sticky but when it dries I can peel off the large amounts of it that I get all over the place.

Unfortunately getting it on the area of burnt flesh and subsequently peeling it off was not good.

In short I peeled off the glue and a lot of skin came off with it. (That does not normally happen)

Lesson learned don’t attempt to do anything crafty if you already know you are crap at it.

Ouch! The Streets, and a bit about me

[Wow yet again it appears to be quite some time since I last blogged, I really am getting lazy so am as of now going to commit to keeping my blog up to date.]

 

Ouch!

I have no excuses now for not keeping the blog up to date, the Ouch! Guest blogging program has been put to an end with the redesign of there website, so I am no longer writing for Ouch! I still have a webcam that technically belongs to them so you may well see me on Ouch! again in the future. 

Talking of Ouch! they have recently re designed there website and I would encourage anyone involved in web design to go and take a look at what a fully accessible website CAN look like. 

Lots of websites these days claim to be accessible to people that are visually impaired by offering the option of changing the text size, however in most cases this completely messes with the page layout text becomes crowded and overlaps other areas of text and usually becomes unreadable, the Ouch! website with its new design is fabulous!

The Streets 

Ok a band I'm really loving at the moment would have to be The streets, for anyone that has not heard there audio album offering I would seriously recommend it there album, is titled 'Everything is borrowed’ It’s really worth a listen. One of the, I think lesser-known tracks on the album is this one the lyrics of which I have copied and pasted especially for you!

The strongest person I know - The Streets

One of the first things about you I did see

Is that you verse your views quietly

When nature verses truths I get violent feelings

But softly time will reply that's wise

 

A delicate gesture of why you see

The best route through this being right through here

But met with a cute blind snide of fear

Best to go along with their idea

 

But , you gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

You gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

After taking the worst route, blatantly

Bang on cue we manage losing way

But in a squirmy backed and screwed up way

They actually managed passing you the blame

 

With that mad man wrapped with rage

Even then your temper stays exactly the same

And in that manner is the manner you stay

Beautiful person that's happily unchanged

 

You gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

You gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

In the heat of speech

Your words improve

Right out of reach in my stirred up words

But every time they f**king blurt out drool

I’m noticing they're all learning from you

 

Cos even though they know they cursed you

They should’ve admitted that they were fools

The next time they're wanting to work things through

The very first person they turn to is you

 

Cos you gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

You gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

You gently take things slowly

You softly bowl them over

That’s the delicate way you’ve shown me

You’re the strongest person I know

 

On a personal level

Well how am I? Now there is an intriguing question! I have had a few problems of late with my existing bone condition; in short my knee is playing up quite substantially. Approximately 2 years ago now I had a seriously large amount of physiotherapy on the knee in question, the effects of which would appear to have completely worn off. So here I am again feeling old beyond my years and in pain. I have now seen a doctor who has unfortunately not done a lot about it other than give me a prescription for 5 lots of Tubigrip and painkillers.

 

My problem with this is that its not going to sort out the long term issue (I am aware that nothing will do this completely), painkillers can become addictive and don’t alleviate all the pain very often and Tubigrip is fine as a temporary thing but the way the doctor suggested I should start wearing it all the time. This is a problem because Tubigrip is very flexible and elastic, it does not stay where it is put and with the knee joint in particular it creases up in the bend of the knee and digs in causing more pain.

 

Technicalities aside it is still essentially the same thing my bone condition and joints deteriorating, I’m not going to try and be upbeat about it, I’m going to be honest and say it’s a real blow, particularly as I have just started playing blind cricket again.

 

Other than all that I am doing ok, at the moment struggling slightly with a complete lack of creativity but I will get through that.

 

It could be worse

I keep reminding myself of this little mantra

It could be worse

some news and other useless information for your reading pleasure

Well first up I absolutely feel it is necessary to declare my extreme hate and disgust at my computer! For no apparent reason it is running slower and slower everyday it seems and I am battling against continuous crashes, freezes and general slowness!

The usual defragment's and disk clean-ups don't seem to be having an impact, I even removed a whole gigabyte of data from it and its still not speeding up, I fear its coming to the end of its life.

I have been trying to do a project using Windows Movie Maker this evening and it has crashed twice already, I have now given up on what I was trying to do after it got to the point where I had to unplug the computer and boot it up again!

So I'm here updating this, for your reading pleasure and about time too! Its probably karma telling me to vent to you all about the crapness of the technological situation!
(if there are any large computer manufactures out there I would like it to be known that all donations are great fully received!)

The huge moan aside the real reason I wanted to write was because I found out on Friday that training with Gus is defiantly going ahead and that we will be training residentially in a very posh hotel!

Its great news, if I had been given the choice I would have always preferred to do residential training, it being my first dog it will give us some really good quality time without Ian or anyone else being a distraction.

So we start training together on the 23rd of June and I am seriously counting down the days, I have a lot of stuff to do before I disappear off for a whole 2 weeks, not to mention another 2 A level exams to sit. I really can't wait to get stuck in to training; I know its going to be hard work but it's going to be worth it!

Apparently there are 3 of us on class with one trainer and the class is taking place in a really nice hotel in Southampton, I will spend 2 weeks residentially there and then another 2 weeks (ish depending how it goes) training at home. It's really good the training is in Southampton because I will be living there in September, it will give me a chance to get to know the place a lot better and hopefully learn some routes.

What is it with pubs?

Now you may remember a particularly blog entry I published last year called hats and pubs in which I discussed the issues faced by your everyday photophobic when trying to go out!

Well I hate to say it but the pubs have annoyed me yet again for there lack of thought regarding policy.

After playing Goalball on a Saturday me, Dave and the coach go for a drink and usually food, we go to the same pub pretty much every week because it has really comfy sofas, and is cheap!

I however am starting to get slightly irritated by the pub for several key reasons. At roughly 7pm every Saturday night they dim all the lights down, turning some of them off in the process, this is bad. one week I was mid meal and the light that I had cunningly sat under expecting the usual dimming was turned off. I quite like to see what I'm eating given that I have that ability, I no I'm lucky but I want to use it to its full potential.

There bouncers also arrive about this time on a Saturday evening we have had several unfortunate run ins. The first time we all went to the pub I was upstairs after visiting the ladies and I was lost trying to find my way back downstairs with loud music and flashing lights, not to mention other people all around when a guy walked straight in to me , somehow straddling my moving long cane in the process, I nearly broke the guys neck, it was his fault but still, I worry about the possible law suites.I noticed the florescent yellow arm band and that he was a bouncer. he was really nice about the whole thing and showed me how to get down stairs.

The other problem with the bouncers is there chosen standing location when attempting to exit the pub (sometimes a little worse for were) they have an unfortunate habit of standing right in front of the door, for obvious reasons I grant you. The only problem is that the pub has a flight of stairs to go down before you get to the door and then two more steps once your out. for some reason which is beyond me the bouncers chose to stand leaning up against the hand rail. Now for someone with my bio-mechanic oddness has enough trouble trying to navigate going down stairs at the best of times but in the dark and with no handrail doesn't bare thinking about. alas I have to try and get the bouncers attention so I can get them to move, failing that a gentle prod with the cane does the trick.

Nevertheless pubs still hold a special place in my heart!

Sh!t

I'm now officially pissed off!

My mobile phone is dyeing slowly so I have decided to go on contract-its actually going to save me money!

I have chosen my new phone and it is going to arrive tomorrow...I read all the reviews and thought carefully, i couldn't find anything in the reviews about font size, I assumed it would be OK.

Its a Nokia N73 and a really good phone and I don't have to pay for it BUT unlike most of the other Nokia phones it is not possible to change the font size!( I have just found out!)

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm really annoyed, now I have to ether use a magnifying glass, or spend £150 on software so I can see the dam thing, or cancel the contract..... but its a really good deal so I don't want to do that!

OK so under the DDA do I sue Nokia or Three

(joke I'm not the suing kind)

Contact lenses- the very latest

As updates go this one is a little late but meh its here now!

Basically I had my last contact lens appointment last Tuesday, it DID NOT go AT ALL well!

My vision is quite good and there comfy and everything but when it came to taking them out and the Doctor looking at my eyes it was really bad. My cornea's hate them! They were damaging all the cells in my cornea, which if left would lead to seriously massive eye infections or bad ulcer of the eye. The worst thing is my Doctor actually said that it was the worst cornea reaction she had ever seen! That's bad, she's an eye specialist... she's probably seen thousands of eyes in her time and mine was the worst!

Obviously its looking a lot like contacts aren't going to work out, but we haven't given up just yet, there are 4 things it could be:

1. I'm allergic to the contact lens solution.
2. I'm allergic to the contact lenses.
3. I have another eye condition to add to my collecti0n.
4. My eyes hate contact lenses full stop!

None of that is good, she has ordered me in an extra sensitive contact lens to see if that's it, the chances of me being allergic to the solution are really small, so its a wait and see kind of thing.

I really hope I don't have another eye condition I think I have/ had enough of them all redy!

I attract strange people

If I'm honest i cant remember if i have blogged about this before so apologies if this is a little dull but i was reminded this morning of my ability to attract the strangest of people.

For example i was in a restaurant with a friend and we were both really distracted by this woman on the table next to us with the strangest voice ever. i was trying to explain something to my friend and was completely put off my train of thought and was suddenly just concentrating on not laughing. We where sat there trying to have more conversations and it just wasn't happening then i suddenly realised what the woman sounded like and just whispered in my mates ear "Orville the duck" we both cracked up.

Then there was the very strange man on the train platform who came up to me and said 'can i ask you a question'? i said yer thinking it would be something like do you no this blind guy who lives in .... but no the question was "are you bind in your dreams"? that was a strange one i was just willing the doors of the train to open so i could escape!

Mind you i was once asked if i can see less with my glasses on!

Then on another meal with my friend we were just leaving the restaurant when the waiter jumped out on us and started saying we hadn't payed, we had. but we had to stand there and tell him repeatedly that we had given the right amount in front of the whole restaurant who were now staring at us.

Then there was the pharmacist who when i went to get my antidepressants said to me "they can make things worse you no poppet but if you feel suicidal don't do, it go to a&e sweetheart" i know its her job to say that but i suppose you had to be there to understand the way she said it was very strange!

that's all the strange people i can think of for now but I'm sure there will be more in the future, one quick note before i leave. regular readers will no i do a little bit of blogging for Ouch its a tiny bit on hold at the moment because the ouch blog isn't feeling very well.

diary of a monkey would like to to wish the ouch blog the speediest of recoveries and hope it is back to its normal wittiness soon!